I dreamt last night. And surprisingly, i managed to recollect it vividly. I have had dreams often enough, but each of them were washed away by the bright morning sunlight. The only thing left behind was a faint after-taste that just made me realize that I had a dream. But today, it was different.

I dreamt of meeting Atal Behari Vajpayee. I bowed to him and he hugged me. I wept on his shoulders. I continued weeping for a long time. He asked me why i was crying, and i replied by saying 'aapko hi pata hoga, aap mere dadaji hain'.

I very well know that dreams are just a re-narration of events in your life in a different realm, with different characters. Almost like a movie being screened in 2 different theaters in different languages.

Either i was really happy or really sad to be weeping like that. After i wept, i felt cleansed. Tomorrow, something significant is going to happen in my life. To deem it happy or sad, i dont quite know. Maybe dadaji does indeed know..

there are somethings in life which cannot be bound by the walls of explanation or logic.. such things cannot be ascribed a measurable value of greatness, they simply have to be felt and preserved in the pure chambers of the soul, like delicate morning dew housed on a soft petal...

And some people are gifted with divine vocal cords they say, and few others the power to feel enchanted by the ethereal melodies arising out of them.. Case in point: Clio Karabelias, Harpist, singer.. Clio and Hamid khan, a sitar maestro himself, cast a spell on the listeners at the arena during a performance at the Fireflies festival of sacred music.. I had no clue what she was singing but my senses seemed to resonate and focus at a precise spot in a heavenly realm, a feeling which im sure is second to none.. unfathomable.. a goddess holding a magic wand and conjuring up ribbons of happiness effortlessly.. making the audience do things what they could never have imagined to do.. glide in the sea of pristine tranquility... words cannot do justice to the work of Clio Karabelias and Ustad Hameed Khan.. I'm blessed, to say the very least...

Amen

my dad took me to his room and switched on the light.. twas' my convo photograph framed.. he had done it without telling me.. he hugged me and said.. "I'm proud of u, I wouldn't mind another one".. i beamed.. i owe the entire exercise of the degree earning to him.. and more.. he felt a proud man.. made me realize that i owed him another degree.. that's the least that i can do for him.. in all these years, this is one of the few times that i remember when he has asked me something..

tears..

Update: The above episode sparked off a catastrophic outburst later that night.. Embarrassing to say the least.. :(

the whole concept of money making is really weird.. the more u get into making money, the lesser is the probability that u are gonna spend it.. i'm sure that if any millionaire is posed with this age old question of 'what are u gonna do with all this money??', he is bound to present to you a totally unconvincing answer.. something like 'it is all for me, my family' or something equally inane..what bewilders me is not the fact that there are hajaar ppl who wanna make money, but the fact that all those who have enough money dont seem to stop the process... most of the blokes in this world seem to be complaining about a lack of money but dont seem to spend the money that they have already currently got.. i dont have a problem with people who complain because they genuinely do not have any bucks to spend.. but then, the remaining ppl complaining in spite of having prosperous coffers doesn seem right to me.. 'greed' seems to be the most appropriate word that i can attribute to such a situation.. something like stocking up all the curd in the world by working hard in the peak summers but not using it to quench your thirst and then realizing in winter that the curd has gone sour and even if it had not, it wouldnt have mattered.. why dont we just live for today as we dream of and stop bothering too much about tomorrow.. large amounts of idle money according to me is no different from a deadly virus which ruins your current happiness.. the bottom line in life is of course peace of mind..or wait.. why cant making money be that 'peace of mind' for a few???

I dont mind stealing bread
From the mouths of decadence
But I cant feed on the powerless
When my cups already overfilled
But its on the table
The fire is cooking
And theyre farming babies
While the slaves are working
The blood is on the table
And their mouths are choking
But Im growing hungry

Me: Oh Lord help me...
God: yawn...yeah go on...
Me: Ive got this one wish..could you make me happy till I die?
God: Sure pal..Wish granted..
Me: Thanks mate!
God: my pleasure.. happy??
Me: Yeah baby..
God: (removing a dagger and slicing my throat) swoosh...
Me: ....wtf??....

Premature E-jaculation

1st June 2006...
Around 21 and a half years after I entered this Mortal realm, I was staring on the outside contemplating at the wierd yet crucial juncture that i had reached in my life... i had just completed my engineering course and the college had handed me over a neat job...The picture did seem really rosy initially but now something was really bothering me.. A worm like irritant was pecking away in the ante chamber of my brain.. A question kept flashing in front of my eyes each time i wanted to enjoy and feel the beauty of the new phase that i supposedly had entered in my life... the phase of 'Responsibilities','Adulthood' to a layman... "WAS I READY TO TAKE THE NEXT BIG STEP??".. On the outside it was all so happy and gay.. ya, no more gruelling exams, no more ardurous courses to complete, no more college, no more shackles, no more cages to trap me... I was a freebird allright.. but the point that i missed all these days was that while i was choking inside my cosy cage, I mistook the outside to be a utopia, a heaven for wound up,restless, fervent souls like me to unleash their creativity and become heroes overnight... little did i realize that this aint a sooraj barjatiya movie... A freebird i might be but soon i am gonna be exposed to the typhoons of the outside.. at least i was safe in the cage that stifled me... It saved my ass allright and it fed me on time everyday... I was thinking to myself how i would survive the cruel wide world waiting to devour me at any instant.. i was so weakly armed with mere mere mere basic technical residues that had adhered when i was busily draining out the real knowledge after each of those countless exams, so that i could make room for insignificant fancy shit to reside in my brain.. It seems so late now that i realize the value of the fluid that I spilt out... Well i was entering the battlefield confidently with a penknife... A long journey ahead i know but what can i do...
All i am doin is penning down my miseries thinking that it is indeed gonna solve my problem... should i laugh at myself, should i pity me or should i be ashamed.....


Sweet child in time you'll see the line
The line that's drawn between the good and the bad
See the blind man shooting at the world
Bullets flying taking toll
If you've been bad, Lord I bet you have
And you've not been hit by flying lead
You'd better close your eyes and bow your head
And wait for the ricochet
-Ian Gilan (Deep Purple)