Monday, January 30, 2006

PANACEA...or...Wishful Thinking??

Project eval, Sucking mess, Sessionals, Attendance, First hours, no-hopers, Kutching, Orkut, Loneliness, crowded me, idle mind, porn movies, self defence, expense, xerox, dons around, Ragda, Richie rich, bitchy bitch, coders, ppts, last bench, aptis, Gunners lose, pop music, Reliance dialup, KC, net stop server, LIFE SUCKS!

It couldnt just get better.. A road that fate had generously laid out for me was inviting me to trudge along like a weary loser.. And I obliged.. Despite having a chance to detour at any point of time, i was uninterested and content on leading an unmeaningful existence.. I am no different from a sloth.. Barely managing to walk on the path of time not realizing that each step is one closer to the end of my life.. 'The time Axis' as mathematicians would say, was a red carpet for me.. With every quantum of time passing by, I left behind no legacy, just mere dusty footmarks which just signified that 'i was there!'.. Or rather 'I too was there!'.. My eyes are bleeding, my hopes misleading..The spirit is just fading away.. I was embossed on a stone of mediocrity.. A no hoper I was.. All i am looking for is a goddamn panacea, a cure for this disease..
Maybe I may... Maybe I will

"Trapped in a lonely body,
I’m losin' control
can't show my emotions and
I’m losing my soul
could it be that I’m obsessed with feeding my disease
I couldn't make it know that hidden things that no one sees

Yeah loser I’m a secret loser loser I’m a secret loser

Fighting a losing battle
pretending to win
repenting to holy unknowns
pretending to sin
all I do is hide the wounds where blood just won't congeal
couldn't ever take my soul 'cos isn't there to steal

Yeah loser I’m a secret loser loser I’m a secret loser

Though I’m the loser there is no winner there's nothing left to win
the hidden reasons now in deletion are lost in sin
so heed my warning the time is dawning I’ll tell you here's the twist the truth is lying below the surface I don't exist

Loser I’m a secret loser loser I’m a secret loser

Seeing is not believing
it don't mean a thing
although it appears to be
that the loser is king
i can understand that what you see you think
is real but underneath the surface is a wound that cannot heal

Yeah loser I’m a secret loser loser I’m a secret loser loser
I’m a secret loser loser I’m a secret loser loser I’m a secret loser"



A humid evening and a stifled atmosphere.. fifteen or so filthy maggots devouring on some leftovers and constantly buzzing an annoying tone in my ears.. the stuff i could comprehend but did not want to.. All that these maggots believed in, was that if they did find someone who dint give a fuck regarding their existence, it was that guy whom they will attack and irritate.. little did the brainless, puny nicompoops realise that after all they were just scrawny, sick maggots after all who could all be squashed into pulp by one mere it ignorance or irony of mother nature!! who says ignorance is bliss.. unfaffected by them i was riding on a surreal dream of soltitude,so much above these petty tangible objects around me.. i was reminded of a moment of true devine charm when i was over the highest peak in kudremukh called 'Gangdikal'.. the air was so true, the feeling so sweet, the satisfaction so immense and the thoughts so pure

" So many things I think about
When I look far away
Things I know -- things I wonder
Things I'd like to say
The more we think we know about
The greater the unknown
We suspend our disbelief
And we are not alone --

Mystic rhythms -- capture my thoughts
And carry them away
Mysteries of night escape the light of day
Mystic rhythms -- under northern lights
Primitive things stir
The hearts of everyone

We sometimes catch a window
A glimpse of what's beyond

Was it just imagination
Stringing us along?
More things than are dreamed about
Unseen and unexplained
We suspend our disbelief
And we are entertained

Mystic rhythms -- capture my thoughts
And carry them away
Nature seems to spin
A supernatural way
Mystic rhythms -- under city lights
Or a canopy of stars
We feel the powers and we wonder what they are
We feel the push and pull of restless rhythms from afar "

--Neil Peart(RUSH)

we had conquered the ardurous test..the trecherous terrain had been so unforgiving.. and yet we felt that mother nature was laughing at us just like how momma was smiling at us when we jumped in glee on getting an A+ grade in kindergarten.. i could see noone among everyone around me..It was a void in me that was so complete..The mother of all paradoxes of existence.. All i could see was the picture perfect serene wilderness around me.Thewhole void of soltitude inside me was being filled by the endless sea of tranquility.. it was just a plain old beautiful sunset but it caused such a power packed change in me that for sometime I felt like God.. I "was" strong was this change induced in me that the realization dawned in me that soltitude is not as what people think: Being alone.. It is that devine void in oneself that can only be filled by tranquility.. it is that state wherin one is liberated from tangible feeling and appreciation.. No, i could not touch the mist around, nor could i touch the dusky sun rays, the intoxicating breeze blowing or anything of that sort.. i had plunged deep into eternity.. the point of no return.. It seemed to span like centuries.. The moment.. I had lived it.. I had graduated to another level that only a few chosen ones have been to attain..I wanted to be in this state.. I had once called it loneliness but I now laugh cos i realize:

I had become comfortably numb
.. god bless Floyd for that devine song


I pity those who laugh at this thought.. God bless you