Friday, June 23, 2006

sans défaut

Looking through the eyes of my mirror
I saw myself that much more clearer
The real perspective now I could see
I was as flawed as flawed can be

In a persuit of glory, happiness and fame
I put on a mask, in order to win every game
I continued to bask, in the glory of all my wins
But inside me grew a evil tree, bearing the fruit of my sins

Those guilt laden eyes those remorseful tears
Those scarred cheeks summed up my worst fears
I was so conned all these days, I just wasn't me
I realised I was so flawed, as flawed as flawed can be

A hand came out of the mirror, my mask it ripped
It shattered all my ego, my wings it clipped
I soon realized that I had missed the real plot
That I'd rather be hated for who i am, than be loved for who i am not

Premature E-jaculation

1st June 2006...
Around 21 and a half years after I entered this Mortal realm, I was staring on the outside contemplating at the wierd yet crucial juncture that i had reached in my life... i had just completed my engineering course and the college had handed me over a neat job...The picture did seem really rosy initially but now something was really bothering me.. A worm like irritant was pecking away in the ante chamber of my brain.. A question kept flashing in front of my eyes each time i wanted to enjoy and feel the beauty of the new phase that i supposedly had entered in my life... the phase of 'Responsibilities','Adulthood' to a layman... "WAS I READY TO TAKE THE NEXT BIG STEP??".. On the outside it was all so happy and gay.. ya, no more gruelling exams, no more ardurous courses to complete, no more college, no more shackles, no more cages to trap me... I was a freebird allright.. but the point that i missed all these days was that while i was choking inside my cosy cage, I mistook the outside to be a utopia, a heaven for wound up,restless, fervent souls like me to unleash their creativity and become heroes overnight... little did i realize that this aint a sooraj barjatiya movie... A freebird i might be but soon i am gonna be exposed to the typhoons of the outside.. at least i was safe in the cage that stifled me... It saved my ass allright and it fed me on time everyday... I was thinking to myself how i would survive the cruel wide world waiting to devour me at any instant.. i was so weakly armed with mere mere mere basic technical residues that had adhered when i was busily draining out the real knowledge after each of those countless exams, so that i could make room for insignificant fancy shit to reside in my brain.. It seems so late now that i realize the value of the fluid that I spilt out... Well i was entering the battlefield confidently with a penknife... A long journey ahead i know but what can i do...
All i am doin is penning down my miseries thinking that it is indeed gonna solve my problem... should i laugh at myself, should i pity me or should i be ashamed.....

Sweet child in time you'll see the line
The line that's drawn between the good and the bad
See the blind man shooting at the world
Bullets flying taking toll
If you've been bad, Lord I bet you have
And you've not been hit by flying lead
You'd better close your eyes and bow your head
And wait for the ricochet
-Ian Gilan (Deep Purple)